Frenemies!

Siempre he sido de esas personas que tienen una mejor amiga.
Pero, ¿Qué significa eso después de todo?
Alguien que te apoye, que te quiera, que confie en ti.
Tal vez mi concepto esta mal.
Desde la secundaria he tenido "mejores amigas" y una tras de otra me han defraudado.
Si, he pensado que el problema soy yo, pero en verdad creo que soy buena amiga...
Pero siempre me pasa lo mismo.
Cero y van 4.
Lección aprendida: no dejes que nadie se acerque lo suficiente como para lastimarte!

Say hi to... Daul Kim

How can you be smart when it's love?
I already accepted that I relate to nothing.
Past is heavy but past is past, and I can only try to understand egoism.
Too much self importance, perhaps luxury of time.
Perhaps just series of bad events which were only beautiful,
the irony, the facade we put on penetrating time, but not egoism.
It is relative but different.
I just know, the more i gain, the more lonely it is.
But when people grow together it's something that is not easy but is nice.
And that is something, relative.
Staying relative is hard, staying honest is hard
I know i'm like a ghost, I have nothing but myself,
and potential, to me is the question of will.
That's why I am present to you.
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Daul Kim was a South Korean model, born in Seoul in May 31st, 1989. And commited suicide November 19th, 2009.
She was also a great painter, she kept a blog with her daily life, likes and dislikes, music and her art, here--> ♥ and well, she was obviously really gorgeous. She was just 2 years older than me. And killed herself in her perfect Paris apartment, with her perfect model carreer and her perfect life. Just that there was nothing perfect to it, the life everyone dreams of, the life a million girls would kill to have... And the worse, she gave the most obvious signals, saying she felt lonely and depressed, saying she'd smash her face with a hammer, and the las one, which i posted here, saying she felt like a ghost... And there was no one who could help her... She killed herself being just 20 years old. I wonder if I'll make it any further...

I want to forgive you. And.. I want to forget you?

How can you know for sure what you want? Dilemma. I've never really been able to say "this is what I want" without hesitating. Maybe I just think too much. Overthinking has always been one of my main issues. The truth is I hate making dessitions, from the most simple things like choosing shoes to match my outfit, which movie to watch, what to eat... To biggest things, like choosing a carreer, a class schedule, a person.. Forgive or not to forgive. But I just started thinking, what if there's nothing to forgive? I tend to exagerate things and maybe I get wrong at times. I hate having regrets. That's why I hate dessitions. I try to make as least as possible, and I end up regretting the choises I didn't make. Specially one. I'll always regret not being able to say goodbye to a special someone. I need to know what I want, and most importantly, what I need.

Edie.

And what would I have to do?
-Just be yourself.
But, which one?



Hay veces que no se en donde estoy, ni que dia es. Hay veces que ya no se pensar, que ya no se sentir. O hay veces que pienso demasiado, que pienso tanto que me cuesta reconocer lo real de lo que no lo es. Y siento demasiado tambien. Es abrumante sentir de esta forma. Hay veces que busco un switch para apagar mis sentimientos, para dejar de pensar. Pero nunca lo he encontrado. Y hay veces como hoy que ya no se quien soy. Nunca lo he sabido, pero son dias como hoy en los que pienso. Pienso de mas. Y me doy cuenta de que estoy perdida. Y pienso que debo dejar de pensar. Necesito que mi corazon deje de sentir tanto. Duele. Pero no puedo arreglar mi corazon. Nunca ha funcionado como deberia. Se que necesito mas de lo que puedo pedir. Es imposible. Pero por alguna razon no puedo acomodar mis ideas. Siento que la cabeza me va a explotar. Necesito escapar...
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Edie Sedgwick es mi máximo. A quien no le gustaria conocer a una persona con tantos problemas?? Tengo una obsesion por la gente con problemas. Siento que es un reflejo mio.

Me.

"Cumpli mi promesa de no volver al pasado... Aunque en cierto modo, la vida me ha asesinado"

Y asi es, no se si la vida me ha asesinado pero asi como lo dijo Frida Kahlo, no volvere a mi pasado. Este es el comienzo de mi futuro. Estoy en una etapa de depurar y reiniciar, empezar desde cero... Siempre habia querido tener un blog pero pense que seria muy dificil todo aquello del diseño web de lo que no se practicamente nada. Y pues aqui estoy, a ver como va todo...

S.